Berlin-Friedrichshain, May 17, 2025 – Between flat whites and a fermentation workshop, a scandal erupted this morning in the trendy courtyard bar "Poodles & Politics": A Shiba Inu named Pixel bit a passing insurance agent, metaphorically nipping at his career ladder. The private dog owner's liability insurance – once taken out by carrier pigeon with an enclosed tape recording – is now refusing to pay. The reason given: The attack was "too perfect a satire of the state of the insurance industry" – and therefore not covered. Clear enough?

Bureaucracy meets retro madness

After the bite, the visibly shocked representative, Mr. Horst-Wilhelm Faxinger (58), retreated in pain to the nearest post office to submit a handwritten damage report on recycled paper. The insurance company then additionally demanded:

• a DNA profile of pixels on floppy disk,

• a Polaroid-style proof of the bite injury,

• as well as a notarized confirmation of the dog's astrological ascendant at the time of the crime.

Digitally submitted photographic evidence was rejected with the explanation: "Too many pixels within pixels . We suspect AI manipulation."

A request for expedited online processing was subsequently destroyed – officially “for reasons of data protection, nostalgia, and ritualized filing culture”.

🗣️ Luna-Fleur Schmidt (22), vegan scented candle influencer from a tiny house near Kassel:
“I mean, lol – if my dog ​​bites, it’s because he’s energetically overloaded. You can’t just go down that old-school legal route, can you?!”

🗣️ Kevin-Jean Pascal (29), remote yoga coach and TikTok shaman:
“I felt it – the bite wasn’t an attack, but a statement. This representative was simply not energetically aligned.”

🗣️ Chantal-Rose Eukalypta (19), Gen Z activist and NFT gardener from the Metaverse:
“I uploaded the clip directly to Insta. 20k views in two hours. If that’s not cultural capital, then I don’t know what is.”

🗣️ Dennis-Dominik (24), former sales representative, now Crypto-Monk:
“To be honest, I envy the guy. Better to be bitten by a dog than by reality.”

Expert or official quote

🔍 Prof. Dr. Albrecht von Rückschritt, Chair of Pre-Digital Communication Strategies, VHS Wanne-Eickel:
“Insurance companies today must consciously rely on retro processes to strengthen customers’ emotional connection to the fax machine. Digital efficiency is dangerous – it could jeopardize the centuries-old tradition of waiting and hoping.”

Conclusion with Risk-BOT

📱 While Pixel has since received a sponsorship offer from a vegan dog biscuit brand and Mr. Faxinger is processing his trauma via typewriter, Risk-BOT commented matter-of-factly:
"With digital compensation, at least the bite wouldn't have been in vain."
And honestly? He's right.